Czech Hiccup by Hiccup: The Casual Visitor’s Primer

Prosím. The path to learning a new language, namely Czech, is beset with the stumbling blocks of warm and cozy expatriate pubs and streets of Prague full of eager to practice, English-speaking Czechs. Plus add the language’s undeserved though understandable reputation for being difficult and all but the most motivated fail to persevere. There is a difference, though, between learning a language and learning a few useful words or phrases of a language. Only the chosen few will achieve the former but the gates to the latter are wide open to everybody and only an oaf will chose not to step through.

I’m not quite sure what an oaf is but I bet it’s a fair description of someone who’s in the Czech Republic for longer than it takes to stamp a passport and doesn’t learn the word which in Czech is truly magic – prosím. This prince of lexical entries covers an impressive arrays of meanings. Starting with ‘please’ all the way to ‘I’m sorry I didn’t quite catch the last bit you just said.’ In between are: ‘what would you like?’, ‘here you are’, ‘you’re welcome’, ‘excuse me’ (when you’re trying to pass by) and ‘I told you so’. Simply, when in doubt say prosím. Also be sure to append it to pretty much any request or question.

The utility of prosím may only be surpassed by that of pivo the meaning of which I have yet to teach to a student (after over ten years in the business of teaching Czech to foreigners, I’ve come to believe that it’s learned with the first intake of breath upon crossing the Czech border). Pivo is sometimes wrongly translated as ‘beer’ which might place it in the same category as Bud Light and is therefore grossly misleading. A close third in our imaginary league of words is the unassuming děkuju (thank you) which is good to intersperse in between all the prosíms. Waiter (looking quizzical): “Prosím?” You: “Pivo, prosím.” Waiter (enter stage right bearing glass): “Prosím.” You: “Děkuju.” Waiter: “Prosím.” You: Astonished at having had a meaningful Czech conversation drain the glass in one satisfied gulp. If you can conclude such an exchange with Zaplatím! (check please) followed by another spate of prosíms and děkujus, you can consider your day well spent.

If you’re feeling adventurous, you may attempt to tip the Czech way. Upon learning the amount, lets say 74 Kč, hand the waiter eighty and say To je dobrý. (That’s OK! or Keep the change!). If you don’t have the exact amount, you have to tell him or her how much you wish to pay, typically rounding up to the nearest reasonable figure. Which reminds me, be a dear, and learn the numbers. It will save you a lot of money. It will also enable you to understand the answer to Kolik? (How much?) uttered by you in an incredulous tone of voice as you’re being ripped off in some tourist abattoir with a view. Should the amount be as astronomical as you no doubt deserve, you might find a use for Berete kreditní karty? (Do you take credit cards?). The possible answers are another pair of useful words ano (yes) and ne (no).

If you don’t dine alone, invest some effort into learning the eminently polite Dobrou chuť (Bon appetite!) required always before commencing to eat and Na zdraví! (Cheers!). It is a Czech custom to say a greeting when you enter and leave a room (even if there are people you don’t know). Dobrý den (Hello) and Na shledanou (Bye) will do the trick. It’s ok to share a table with strangers in a restaurant without making eye contact let alone saying a word to each other, but it would be rude not to say those greetings (Je tu volno, prosím? – Is this place free? may have made an appearance in such a case.) In the unlikely case, you make it as far as introductions, try Těší mě. (Nice to meet you.) You may be tempted to learn the equivalent of ‘How are you’ somewhere for just this occasion. Don’t. You cannot use it with somebody you’ve just met. Save it for when you know what you’re doing.

Once you stumble out of this or that hospitality establishment, there are many more opportunities to use your few new words. Shops, tobacconists, public transportation, etc. are your language playground. As you’re making your way through the crowds, pardon (excuse me) may come in handy. If you’ve conquered the numbers as you promised you would, you may get some use out of Kolik je hodin? (What is the time?) It’s perfectly acceptable to ask this of strangers in the street. If you don’t catch the answer you might try opakujte pomalu prosím (repeat slowly please) or just plain prosím. If that fails, you can say nerozumím (I don’t understand) although that is likely to dawn on even the dullest of Czechs after about the third prosím.

Czechs sharing a table with you may not want to talk to you but the public transportation ticket controllers will. The conversation is simple. They show a yellow badge and ask Lístek prosím. If you had previously purchased a ticket at a tobacconist by saying Lístek na metro, prosím (Metro ticket, please. – works on buses and trams as well) and validated it upon entering in a yellow machine, you just show him or her the ticket and go on. If you hadn’t, you need to pay up. The fine is 200 Kč on trams and buses and 500 Kč on the metro. Since policemen are probably lurking nearby, it is a good idea not to haggle or try to run. Trains are similar, except the ticket is called jízdenka and the uniform wearing conductor will validate it when he checks it. You can buy zpáteční jízdenka (round-trip ticket) but the price is just double that of jednosměrná jízdenka (one-way ticket). When you’re buying a train ticket, make sure to pay a příplatek (surcharge) if you’re going by IC/EC train. If you’re afraid the train will be full, get a place card or místenka. Fast or express trains are marked R short for rychlík and you also need to pay extra for the privilege.

These selected useful words and phrases everybody should learn have their faithful groupies in the absolutely useless words and phrases which everyone nevertheless feels obliged to learn. The one that takes the biscuit is definitely Mluvíte anglicky? (yes, you guessed it, ‘Do you speak English?’). Just ask what you need in English and the facial expression of your chosen informant will tell you whether you struck pay dirt or not better than a thousand words. But any questions to which you possibly cannot understand the answer belong in the same category. Jak se dostanu do…? (How do I get to…?) or even Kde je …? (Where is …?) cannot elicit anything but an incomprehensible (to anybody who’s likely to have read this far) stream of sounds. If you’re lost, hold up a map to somebody and ask Kde jsem? (Where am I?) and you’ll be fine. You may not be fluent but that doesn’t mean you have to be stupid. There are dozens of phrases that you may only need once in your Czech speaking career. Trying to memorize dozens of words on the off-chance that you might need them is a waste of time. Learn the most important ones and get a phrasebook for the rest and point your way through communication. If you’re serious about learning Czech, take a course! Prosím!

Dominik Lukeš, author runs an online Czech course on http://www.bohemica.com

Most useful phrases

Pronunciation notes: All vowels are always pronounced the same in all contexts. Vowels with an accent as pronounced twice as long as those without. Stress is always on the first syllable or on the preposition but it doesn’t make the vowel long, just adds emphasis. u is pronounced with very rounded lips as in loop, o is pronounced as the short version of aw in law. Consonants with an accent are softened (tongue shifts back), e.g. š turns s into sh, or t into ť. ě either softens the preceding consonant, e.g. dě, tě are pronounced as dyeh, tyeh, or it adds a soft consonant in between, e.g. mě is pronounced as mnyeh.